Here are Jimmy Kimmel"s best jokes from the ABC Upfronts Presentation

Yearly on the ABC upfronts presentation in Fresh York, Jimmy Kimmel brings down the house with jokes about commercials, the competitors, and how atrocious the most favorite reveals are. This yr, he focused Constance Wu and Felicity Huffman, amongst many topics that had been rife for the teasing.

Listed below are some of his handiest from Tuesday’s presentation at Lincoln Center:

“I’m in a position to’t imagine [former ABC Entertainment President] Channing Dungey left us for Netflix. Who does she train she is, our viewers? Channing leaving us to work at Netflix used to be, to borrow a Yiddish term, this kind of Shonda.”

“I’ve been doing this so prolonged. I take into accout when we previewed Lost and Alias and Decided Housewives. Those had been abet in the times when Felicity Huffman absolute most practical played a scheming suburban mom.”

“Here’s a historical upfront for this firm. For years I’ve been flying out right here to permit you to perceive guys that the unusual ABC reveals suck. This yr, I’m right here to permit you to take into accout that the unusual FX reveals, the unusual NatGeo reveals, all of them suck, too. We at closing sealed the kind out Fox. We now personal 21st Century Fox, NatGeo, Fox Searchlight, Hulu, FX, FXX, and later this yr, we are proud to relate FXXX. Its perfect Vin Diesel motion photos and porn.”

“We personal Disneyland, we personal Iron Man, and we personal Star Wars. At this point, the absolute most practical cherished 2d of your childhood that we don’t personal is jerking off.”

“What a yr it’s been for all of us. Roseanne is gone and the measles are abet. Take note closing yr when we purchased you all inflamed for It Takes Two, The Childhood are Alright, Roseanne, and Speechless? Successfully, canceled, canceled, racist, canceled. Nonetheless we aloof maintain the Bachelor franchise! Just like the genital herpes it thrives on, The Bachelor will in no design plug away. Final yr we had a virgin bachelor, which used to be gargantuan. So subsequent yr, to form of mix things up, we are going the other route. We purchased ourselves a proper live truck pause prostitute.”

“New Off the Boat has been renewed for season number 4, and moments after it used to be launched one of the vital celebrities of the conceal, Constance Wu, tweeted she used to be ‘so upset correct now that I’m actually crying. F—.’ Only at ABC is getting a cover picked up the worst thing to ever occur. Sorry, Constance. No now not as much as you bought 9,300 likes!”

“We’re losing one of the vital funniest and most award-winning comedies of all time. This would possibly occasionally seemingly perhaps moreover simply be the final season of Trendy Family. Trendy Family used to be the rarest of ABC reveals. Successful. You don’t ogle many of them round these parts. I love the forged. I’m going to fail to note these guys. Nonetheless times alternate. Or now not it is crucial to halt related. Or now not it is crucial to halt contemporary as soon as you would really like to pick on a youthful generation. Or now not it is crucial to raise notify that speaks to them. That’s why we are so inflamed to introduce the conceal we maintain lined as much as interchange Trendy Family. It’s known as a A Guy From Fresh Zealand playing Fortnite.”

“CBS this yr will tell goodbye to The Mammoth Bang Notion after 279 episodes. Don’t ruin it for me, I’m 276 episodes on the abet of. It’s strange to train we live in a world where Johnny Galecki makes extra cash than all of us.”

“Take note closing yr when you gave [ousted CBS Corp. CEO] Les Moonves a standing ovation? That used to be amusing. Whoops! How is it that you just would possibly per chance perhaps per chance imagine that a community whose designate is actually an explore did now not ogle that coming?”

“CBS has a brand unusual drama known as All Rise, which is unfortunately, something that nearly all of their viewers can’t enact.”

“Terry Bradshaw on The Masked Singer. What a dreary time to be alive. [Fox is] f—ed. They maintain nothing left. Fox is now the community identical of a divorced dad’s fridge. 18-49 isn’t even their demo anymore. It’s the fashion of individuals who aloof work there. Nonetheless enact they’ve wrestling! Fox has wrestling!”

“NBC has Here is Us, which is so favorite they renewed it for three years. Or as Constance Wu would name it, a death sentence.”

“NBC renewed SVU, which is coming abet for a 21st season. That implies infants born the yr that conceal started are undoubtedly veteran sufficient to commit intercourse crimes of their very personal.”

“So the large quiz for all of us is how we earn the so-known as Era Z to appear community TV. I undoubtedly maintain the retort! Two phrases: Vape-ready notify.”

“We know exactly what the Gen Z’s need. The atrocious news is, it’s Netflix. F—ing Netflix. They even signed the Obamas. The Obamas are making TV reveals and Trump is running the nation. If this isn’t some Freaky Friday form bullsh—, I don’t know.”

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