Dilemma: My husband and I married when we were 21 and I was his first sexual partner. I love him as my best friend but, despite still having sexual urges, I no longer feel attracted to him. I first told him six years ago and he was devastated, so I have kept my feelings quiet since. We went on to have two children as I felt I should just get on with life. He is a hard worker, a good father, a loving husband and we share similar tastes. He is no chauvinist and always treats me as an equal when it comes to housework and money. We are intimate as I do not want to deprive him of a sexual relationship, but I tend to switch off. Divorce is very frowned upon in our social community, but I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with somebody who I view as a brother. I appreciate sexual attraction can wane, but we are in our early thirties and I still feel young. I can’t discuss the subject as I know it still upsets him. He tells me I am the love of his life. I desperately want to avoid hurting him and our very young children, but I don’t know what to do.
Adviser 1:
I try to avoid hopping on the “counseling train”, but in this case it might be helpful to find someone (professional counselor) just to talk to…. just to help you sort this out. You don’t have to tell anyone you are going for counseling. This would just be for you while you are thinking this through. There might be other factors at play here.
You should discuss this with that counselor first, and discuss it with no one but that counselor, until you have a better understanding of all your feelings and what you really want.
Avoid hurting your husband (who sounds like a very good man) by talking about this with him until you really understand and are sure of your feelings.
Adviser 2: it’s a toughie. I had a similar problem, I’m 36, was with a boyfriend for 11 years, stopped having romantic feelings for him about 4 or 5 years in but kept on because we were good together. What made me finish it was falling completely for someone else, out of the blue. Unfortunately it’s a complicated situation with the man I fell for and we aren’t together, but despite the loneliness I know I did the right thing ending my relarionship, at least I feel like I’m being honest now.
Adviser 3:
P.S. If you have been taking anti-depressants, bear in mind that many people taking them experience similar feelings and lack of interest in sex.
Depression itself can do it, too.
(See the counselor.)
I Am Not Attracted To My Husband – I Love Him Like A Brother
0 Comments: